satan-wants-you-dead

I've found God. He's with me all the time.. He's always when I need him. My life is much lighter then before. I'm happy, yeah I'm realy happy! Things have never been so well. Thank you,  my Lord :*

Oh my God! Why am I so stupid? I'm so angry... argh.. I was thinking what is the most important thing in my life. Hmm.. And I thought that is my family, but what am I doing to show them how much i love them? I want to hug them, tell them who they are for me, tell my parents that i'm sorry for my behaviour.. At most i would like to say sorry to my mother for being so noughty. I did't want to hurt her.. to hurt anybody :( but i'm too stupid.. I should go and tell them all.. but i can't.. - 'not today'. But tomorrow may be to late..

She used to be my only enemy and never let me free,
Catching me in places that I know I shouldn't be,
Every other day I crossed the line,
I didn't mean to be so bad,
I never thought you would
become the friend I never had.

Back then I didn't know why,
why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
all that you did was love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
My friend

I didn't want to hear it then but
I'm not ashamed to say it now,
Every little thing you said and did was right for me,
I had a lot of time to think about,
about the way I used to be,
Never had a sense of my responsibility.

Back then I didn't know why,
why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
all that you did was love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend, My friend

But now I'm sure I know why,
why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
all I can give you is love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
My friend

Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
You're my friend
[Spice Girls- Mama]

Now i'm going to write my school's newspaper, and then to meet with my cousin, maybe he'll tell me good news (about boys from Chicago :):):) ). Wish me good luck !

I'm back, but I don't know for how long.. maybe for week, maybe for month or maybe for year. I want to know who am I, and what is my destiny.. Who knows,  maybe I'll find it soon? Oh, my thoughts are so chaotic.. I don't know what to say, to think and to do! Sometimes I'm so tired of living.. Right now is sometimes. I cannot give up! I must be strong! Someday I will find happiness,  now I have HOPE for better life.

When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take that step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that on of two things will hapen: there will be something solid for us to stand on or we'll learn how to fly...
[Feller "Learning how to fly"]

We will start again.